Q: Dear Ron, I think I have an issue with stealing, but it only happens at parties. I always get drunk and take things I think are pointless, but in reality they probably mean something to the people who own the items. Do I give them back when I’ve realized my mistake the next day, or do I keep the stuff and just forget about it? Please help ease my guilty conscious!
Sincerely, Drunk Thief
A: Dear Student,
I understand that scandalous feeling you get when you’re “turnt” all the way up. You want that rush that comes with stealing a petty object. Potentially, you are doing it to seek attention from you peers. From my experience, a college students I.Q. drops a hundred points while consuming heavy dosages of alcohol. Therefore, when your “homegirl” or “homeboy” encourages you to let the devil’s nectar run it’s path, don’t listen to it. Be a good samaritan. You should return the objects you stole with remorse and a hug, because everyone enjoys a hug. Stealing is breaking one of the ten commandments, I can’t remember which one but Moses was a good guy. Remember when he led the Israelites out of Egypt and parted the Red Sea? He didn’t have to do it, but he knew it was the right thing, so he did it regardless. Another way to feel less guilty is by making an attempt to do right by others. Many times when we make mistakes we feel that we are inherently bad people. Some people are, but chances, are you aren’t one of them. Showing yourself that you can do the right thing in a sober mindset will prove that you are not as bad as you think you are.
This is Ron and I partially care.