Philosophy professor Dave Boersema has revealed the real reason he is retiring from Pacific after 31 years.

“I won’t stay anywhere that won’t let me smoke my cigars,” Boersema said in an exclusive interview with this publication.

“I wasn’t bothering anyone sitting outside drinking a Coke and smoking a Romeo and Julieta. I always made sure I was at least 10 feet from a door and never smoked in my office, even when it was raining.” Boersema pointed out that many great men smoked cigars including Winston Churchill and Bill Clinton.

“I don’t know what the big deal is about smoking and tobacco. You can prohibit it on campus but students are still going to do it. The right to smoke is in the Constitution, right there with gun rights. If it isn’t it should be.”

Boersema said that after retirement he and his wife are moving to a remote area of Colorado where “I’ll be free to smoke to my heart’s content.” Boersema emphasized that he meant smoking cigars.

Boersema has been on a university watch list since he barricaded himself in his office over Spring Break and threatened to smoke a very large Cuban cigar in the office. After hours of negotiation with Pacific hostage negotiator Janae Sargent and the Pacific University CPS swat person, Boersema was handcuffed and taken to tobacco detox.

He will be under university watch for the next seven weeks and will be prevented having access to sharp or flammable objects.


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