Student held captive under U.C.

Cleopatra Starr

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A Pacific student was missing March 30, according to unidentified officials.  Index reporters attempted to acquire the name of the student, but were continually told that under FERPA, the name could not be given.

According to Campus Public Safety Incident Reports, CPS received an urgent call around 11:13 p.m. Wednesday from a student who said they had been lured into the basement of the University Center and couldn’t escape.

The call was reported to have dropped after a distressed scream.

When officers arrived in the basement of the U.C., they heard laughter coming from the lower level women’s bathroom. CPS announced their presence outside the restroom and asked the person to come out.

Laughter continued to emanate from the restroom. The individual gave no indication they intended to leave. After giving ample warning, the officers entered the bathroom and found what appeared to be the ghost of a woman.

The woman was questioned about the student who called for help.  The ghost, who identified herself as “Vera,” confirmed the student had been in the basement, but later disappeared into a mysterious room near the mail center.

Following her lead, the officers investigated the room Vera said the student had disappeared into but found no entrance to such a room. They could, however, hear a loud humming noise and what sounded like fans running.

In addition to the noise, the officers saw a trail of bed bugs trying to escape the basement through cracks in the building. The bugs even attempted to climb the stairs out of the basement.

The room has not been located in any of the archive documents in the library, nor has it been included on campus maps or blueprints.

According to unnamed officials on campus, this recent incident means that the U.C. will see no changes in the upcoming future as a thorough investigation will be conducted to determine the origin of the humming noise and why the Internet seemed to fail at the same time the student went missing.

Conspiracy theorists believe a “Chamber of Secrets” is to blame for the incident and that its presence prevents the demolition and hence resulting remodel of the U.C.

Vice President of Missing Students Yolanda Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious said that no student goes unnoticed on campus, but neither confirmed nor denied that a student was missing.

Index reporters tried to speak with Vera early this morning about the incident.  While she did not want to speak of the incident involving the student, she did comment on her strange behavior that night.

“I was only laughing because not even the bed bugs want to be in this building.”

A team of Index reporters has planned a spelunking exploration to recover the student later this week.