Speak up, be heard.

CPS pilfers bikes

Holly Bartholomew and Ben Hopwood

April 4, 2016

Filed under April Fools

In the past few weeks, Pacific’s campus has seen a sharp increase in theft of students’ bikes. Also in the past few weeks, CPS officers have begun cruising campus on bicycles. Between March 1 and 2, seven bikes... Read more »

Boersema meets Captain Kirk

Keyah Agoot

April 4, 2016

Filed under April Fools

In celebration of his final semester as a philosophy professor, the philosophy department is sending David Boersema on the trip of a lifetime to space, the final frontier on the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Ph... Read more »

Focal Studies keeps students at Pacific

Dave Cassady

April 4, 2016

Filed under April Fools

Half of Pacific’s seniors will not be graduating this year because they haven’t completed their focal studies requirements.Theuniversitysaiditwas too late for graduating seniors to fill out the forms and take the classes. ... Read more »

Forest Grove ‘noise’: Student shares plausible theory

Keyah Agoot

April 4, 2016

Filed under April Fools

“The noise” in Forest Grove is still an enigma, but I think I have solved this. I believe media arts professor David Cassady creates this noise late in the night during layout week, as a way in letting The Pacific Index editorial... Read more »

Little parking helps student discover town

Keyah Agoot

April 4, 2016

Filed under April Fools

A lot of students complain about never finding parking on College Way or near their classes and I do not understand why. I like to drive in circles looking for a stall and just making it to class with 30 seconds to spare, it is... Read more »

‘Poo-Pourri’ product: Pacific Bookstore makes available for all

Tyler Brown

April 4, 2016

Filed under April Fools

Ladies and Gentlemen, how many times has this happened to you? You are on that big first date with a hopeful significant other and all of the sudden, you feel the Manhattan Project hit your lower intestine. You are stuck with... Read more »

Experiments turn people into lab rats

Chocolate Rain

April 1, 2016

Filed under April Fools, Sports

It looks like the thesis presentations for exercise science majors will have to be postponed. The significant amount of student fatalities from the experimental case studies have resulted in the number of presentations on Seni... Read more »

Pouncey heads to NBA

Tickle Me Dave

April 1, 2016

Filed under April Fools, Sports

Pacific basketball superstar Devon Pouncey has announced that he will give up his remaining eligibility with the Boxers and enter the professional basketball draft.When reminded that he had no eligibility left Pouncey said he would... Read more »

Pacific Introduces money-saving vocational classes

Dave Cassady

April 1, 2016

Filed under April Fools

Pacific University has announced the creation of an effort to boost university finances. In a message from the administration the school announced the formation of a for-profit educational branch, the Pacific Institute for Moneymaki... Read more »

Speak up, be heard.
April Fools